We’re learning how to communicate. Today was a learning day. I hesitate to post right now because it is still all so fresh, but it’s almost midnight, there’s no post for today, and Brian has posted the last few days. So, here I am.
I’m really frustrating my husband. (Don’t worry– he’s really frustrating me, too, but we’ll get to that later.) Brian can speak loudly at times– he’s passionate and his volume fluctuates as he speaks. We discussed today that sometimes I take this personally and go silent because I don’t want a fight and that’s what raised voices mean to me. I also back down on decisions and continually utter the phrase “I don’t care” which is incomprehensible to my husband who literally has an opinion on everything. I need to take his yes as yes and his no and no. I also need to not back down when he doesn’t immediately get on board with my desired weekend activities. I have a lot of work to do. For the sake of getting this posted by midnight, let’s only address some of that tonight.
I don’t want to tell my husband what to do. I learned in our pre-marital counseling that I am commanded to respect my husband. This actually means something different to him than I had imagined it meant. I plan to post on it further in the pre-marital counseling series because it was so shocking to me, and now it turns out to be a huge struggle for me.
I thought I was trying to respect my husband. I was trying not to tell him what to do, be his boss, or yell at him. But apparently what I thought of as “respecting him” is frustrating the daylights out of him. Great. I guess I just don’t understand what the Bible means by “respect.” Did I take it too far? Am I trying in the wrong areas? Couldn’t Scripture be more explicit– like maybe a follow up “how to show him that respect” section”?
I can step up and share more of my opinions, but I still don’t see a point in making up an opinion in a case where I have none at all. And I’m not going to tell my husband what to do on a Saturday– it’s his Saturday, too. He cringed when I said “city-wide garage sale” and I don’t want to be responsible for anyone having a bad day (except my students– I’ll take FULL responsibility for that!).
I know the answer tonight is to pray, commit these things to God, and then continue to work hard to communicate well with Brian. I get that and I will do those things. But after talking these things to death, I still can’t see the solution through my drooping eyelids. I know God does. This is one of those times I wish He used more direct forms of communication… like a text message.