The other day Lindsey made an observation that stuck with me. I don’t remember what we were doing, but she looked at me and said, “It’s starting to feel like we’re our own little family.” I agreed with her, but I kept thinking about it.
Her comment was in the context of how our relationship, and those with our loved ones, changed when we got married. We thought we were very close during our engagement, but looking back it was nothing compared to what just over three months of marriage has done. At the time, I really didn’t buy into the idea that we would see each other, or ourselves, differently. I remember having a long conversation with my best friend, Justin, where he pointed out that I was an idiot for thinking that. I disagreed at the time, but I agree with him now.
Our friendships and relationships with family changed too. I have a greater love for Lindsey than any other person on the face of this earth (sorry, Mom). My priorities have changed. We are our own little family, and we see it that way now. The love we feel for those people did not lessen or go away, but it is as if our vision is simply more clear. We love our families, we just love each other more.
Lindsey sent me a text recently along these same lines. It read: “I’m my best and most comfortable and truest self when I am with you.” I could not state it any better. Love in a marriage1 is a mystery, in the same way that how God loves us is a mystery.
I don’t know how it works, but it is real. I know there are chemicals in our brains that fire at certain times, I know there are hormones and glands and whatnot, but that is not it. There are certificates from the state and words that a guy with authority says, but that’s not it either. None of those things are what love is.
For a marriage, love is being one flesh, it is being joined deeply together in a spiritual and physical way where there is no separation. How two people can actually experience this, I don’t know. But I know it’s real– and I know the source is not the State of Texas2.
- I say “in a marriage” very specifically. While it is a mystery in how it works, there is no mystery in the fact that mankind is made for marriage, and that it is romantic love’s fullest and most final expression. ↑
- Legal marriage matters a great deal, but as Christians we believe that it merely recognizes the covenant two people make with themselves and God. God seals marriages, not the state. Thinking that there is no distinction is dangerous. ↑