New rule for date night

We learned a valuable lesson last night: there have to be rules for date night.

Now, date night does already have a few rules. One of those is that it is a night set aside for the two of us. Another is that it is something planned and prepared for. But we never made any rules around the conversation. Oops.

Dinner is wonderful. Brian takes me to Chez Zee, where we gluttonously devour a cheese tray and our entrees and a sampler dessert. We are hurting a little. But I have this rule about date night not being just dinner. It needs to include a stroll, an activity, a drink at another venue– something in addition to the meal. So, we roll ourselves out of the restaurant and head to Black Star Co-op.

Love this place. Great beer and super tasty food. We sit down with our beers and begin to chat. Well, sort of. Last night my mind was occupied by something I’ve been struggling with all summer. It’s something Brian and I have talked about a lot, but haven’t resolved or put to rest. And as we sat there staring at each other, it was consuming my thoughts, in much the same way that we consumed all that cheese at dinner.

Brian sees that I’m in deep thought. He asks about it. I don’t budge. He pushes. I resist. He has no idea that I’m struggling internally. He pushes again, and then… word vomit. In the middle of Black Star, with our lovely beers before us, I blurt out everything I’m agonizing over. We chat. It gets really tough. We both think the other isn’t hearing us. It gets tense. The beer is no longer tasty. Date night is over.

Thus, the new rule for date night: since this night is for enjoying one another and investing in our marriage, save the tough conversations for another night.

2 thoughts on “New rule for date night

  1. I am not sure how tenable this “new rule” really is. I would imagine that it would be difficult to keep something to yourself during date night if one is clearly expressing that something is wrong through body language. I would imagine that the partner observing this behavior would feel uneasy and want to know what is wrong in order to address and fix the problem. …?

    Maybe the new rule should be to not allow those things that you talked about to be festering in your mind in the first place so that it does not come out even in body language or in any other form during your interaction… I don’t know that this is possible though..? When there are issues that are not talked about they will always manifest themselves somehow whether through body language or other behaviors…

  2. Pingback: Our first year is over | Our First Year

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