I am learning how to speak to my husband directly. I guess I’m getting past the niceties and hemming and hawing and getting down to actually saying things to my husband. I’m not a very direct or confrontational person. Well, I’m not at all– I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and I let that get the best of me.
This inability to speak directly doesn’t work within a marriage, so I’m working on it. It has taken some very long and drawn out conversations, a lot of self talk, and a bit of prayer, but I am finally able to ask my husband a question. Don’t laugh. I do realize I can be a ridiculous person and I’m working on it. This is a fault that torments me– why can’t I make a simple statement or ask a simple question?
The following conversations are not recorded verbatim, but are pretty darn accurate examples of one month into this marriage versus four and a half months in:
One month in:
Lindsey: Hey, honey. Oh, hey, yeah. You look nice today. Yeah… So, umm, I would really love it, IF you have time, if you would umm… oh nevermind. I got it. I’ll take care of it. You look busy. And really nice– did I say that? Yeah, you’re great. Love you!
(Lindsey leaves and takes out the trash)
Same issue four and a half months in:
Lindsey: Hey, B– can you take out the trash, please?
Brian: You got it. I’ll do it when I go downstairs.
Lindsey: Thank you!
Yes– this happened. I didn’t want to be a “nag” and I let that consume me– to the point I wouldn’t even ask for help around the house.
But here’s the deal: I am not alone in this marriage. I need help and sometimes the help I need is not obvious to Brian. If I keep trying to do everything myself, I’m going to start resenting him and that doesn’t lead to anywhere good. And if I can’t even ask him to take out the trash, how will I verbalize when I have an actual need?
I can’t let my obsessive fear of becoming a nagging wife turn me into a silent, resentful one. There is a balance in there somewhere. Direct communication with my husband is a good beginning.