It’s been four and a half months since our wedding day and Lindsey is finally settling into the house. We’ve had all of her stuff her for awhile, and she has been making changes around here since she moved in, but in the last week she has really been comfortable with making changes. And I love it.
Now, it may surprise you that I am so comfortable with the change. I lived alone for ten years before meeting Lindsey and getting married. I’d become accustomed to having my house and my stuff a certain way. Anyone who has visited my place would tell you that it was my perfect version of a home– for a bachelor at least. I thought it was great. So when Lindsey moved in I honestly asked myself, ‘how much could she really want to change?’ Again I found out how little I understand women.
Over the last few months I have pushed Lindsey to make changes to the house and to decorate it the way she wanted to. I told that unless she was buying anything crazy expensive or furniture to just go for it. She didn’t bite.
I think she understood that I was saying it, but I really wasn’t saying it. I was putting it all on her. When she did not like something I suggested that she, “find something to replace it.” Well, if you know my wife you probably know that just replacing out of the blue something hanging on the wall is a little to close to confrontation for her. So it didn’t happen.
But then two things happened in the last couple of days that kick-started things. First, Lindsey picked a few of the small things she wanted to change and just did it. When I either did not notice the change or noticed it and liked it, she was encouraged. Then when I, of my own volition, took down one of her least favorite items from the wall and left a blank space she really got the message.
But let’s be honest, she really wasn’t the one who needed to “get it”. That distinction is mine. I told her that she ‘could’ change things, but offered no help or suggestions. That was my mistake. I was still treating it like my house, so why was I surprised when she treated it that way too?
We now have progress. She is kicking butt and taking names around here, but I will let her share the fun details with you herself. For my part I want to leave you with this: husbands, support your wives not just with your words but with actions. Take the first step yourself. Sacrifice something. Show her how much you love her. Don’t make my mistake.