We had a good little argument tonight. I use the word ‘good’ deliberately because it brought some things to light for me.
First, the selfishness of the human heart is incredibly ingrained, and in my case hardened by ten years of living alone. I am so used to reacting out of my own interests that it’s second nature. Then, when it becomes obvious that I am being selfish I jump to defend myself, usually harshly. I know we all handle it differently, but I’m not unique, this is a universal pattern.
Second, I have not fully (you might argue not even partially) adjusted to having a wife with priorities that I should place above my own. This is still selfish, but in a marriage I think this is particularly egregious. If we are called to serve our spouse, or as a husband to love my wife as Jesus loves his church, then putting my priorities above hers is an awfully bad place to start.
Yet that is exactly what I have done with a couple of important things lately. So, after our discussion in which I realized what I had been doing I confessed these things to Lindsey and she forgave me. This is the most important part of an argument, the confession and forgiveness. Without confession and forgiveness hearts get hard and bitterness sets , but with them, we can learn, accept and grow. Of course, that is exactly what any marriage needs.