A lot of failure

Last night I posted about priorities, and how so far in our marriage I have not really taken Lindsey’s priorities up as my own. This has caused tension, and a few arguments. My post and our discussion yesterday had me thinking all day today, and I kept coming back to one thing: I am called to love and serve Lindsey. That is my primary duty as a husband, and honestly it is something I want to do well. Yet, I fail. Consistently.

This failure is no surprise to… well, anyone. People are not perfect; we are all broken and have our failings and blind spots. The biggest implication of our brokenness in a marriage can be seen in a simple math problem:

1 person who fails + 1 person who fails = a lot of failure

As I have posted before, getting married does not solve your problems. It doubles them. This may seem too simple of an explanation, but my guess is that any married person, anyone with siblings, or really anyone who doesn’t live alone in the wilderness knows this to be true. This is the profound, and yet faulty, ground upon which all human relationships are built.

Because this is the case, we only have two options: we can play the game of balancing wrong against wrong and apology against apology, or we can extend grace to one another and tear down the scoreboard. In our house we strive for the latter, but I confess that I often revert back to scorekeeping. I’m like the soccer dad whose kid plays in a no-score league and yet can’t help but to keep track of the goals on his iPhone from the sidelines.

So today my prayers and actions have been towards two goals. I have sought to look to the example of the one who washed his followers feet and sacrificed all for them, and serve my wife first. Second, I have confessed that I cannot change myself on my own, I need God to change my heart. That’s the only way to fix anything within me.

“Will it work?” you ask. I dont know for sure, but I have faith that it will.

Through similar prayers God has changed my heart unbelievably over the last six years, so this faith of mine is not blind. The only way for me to know is to keep pressing on, to keep seeking change through God, and keep serving my wife.

Honestly, it sounds like a really good plan.

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