A side no one else sees

“How does it feel to have exclusive access to this side of me? The one that no one else sees?”

That was the question my wife asked me this afternoon when she was being quite silly in her own unique way. I laughed it off and replied that I loved it. But the question has stuck with me all night.

One of the most interesting parts of being married is getting to know someone better than anyone else. It’s been fascinating.

Lindsey and I are both wired to be communicators. From the day we met we had deep conversations and opened ourselves up to each other. I can’t speak for Lindsey, but I have been shocked by how deep true intimacy goes. And we’re only in the first few months.

By its very nature, knowledge of this kind of intimacy is restricted to the people inside of it. I cannot explain the mystery of our deepening relationship anymore than I could look into your life and observe and understand it correctly. For this reason, I’m not going to try to explain it here. But, I can tell you why it matters.

First, I have found that there is no better way so far to learn to sacrifice for my wife than to know what is really going in with her. When I start to understand how the pieces fit together, and how she sees the world, it becomes much easier for me to love her the way I should.

Second, we are learning to trust each other fully. When I open up to her I am risking a lot. The funny, weird, evil, good and unfathomable thoughts and desires of my heart are dangerous things. In the wrong hands we can receive ridicule, judgment, or worse. As these things in each of us are continually revealed we learn bit by bit that there is grace in our marriage. We learn that the other person loves us fully, in spite of all.

Finally, we all need a safe place to be ourselves. I firmly believe this is one of the reasons God created marriage, to provide a place for intimate sharing and support. I do not believe that marriage is the only place to find this, we need to have open and honest relationships with our friends, but marriage is different.

I’ve loved how close we have became over the last eight months, and I can’t imagine how much better it will become.

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