Failure to rest

It’s not a resolution. It’s something that came up in a conversation with my WDP leaders at the end of the semester. And then God kept bringing it back up.

I don’t take a Sabbath. Yes, God tells us to. I get that. But I’m busy. In fact, I’m exceedingly busy. He gets that, right? Well, that’s what I kept telling myself anyway. But when someone pointed out that not taking a Sabbath was a sin, well, that didn’t sit real well with me.

It’s not a harsh thing to point out one another’s sins. We’re actually supposed to do that in Christian community. No one was pointing fingers or anything. Part of WDP is learning to fight sin– in our own lives as well as in the lives of those around us. It was actually in a conversation about my own self-righteousness that the whole Sabbath thing came up. While it isn’t finger pointing, I sure did feel ganged up against that night. But it was for my good.

And they were right. About both.

So, God kept bringing it back up, I began to have anxiety attacks due to negligent self care, and thusly, yesterday, I vowed to have a Sabbath.

I pretty much failed.

I cleaned house, did laundry, ironed, planned lessons, and cleaned my shower doors. The only Sabbath-like activities were reading a couple chapters in a book on prayer and going to church. Oh, and Downton Abbey— but that totally counts as rest 🙂

And then today at work when the other teachers were talking about how rested they were, how ready to teach and love these kiddos they felt, well, I realized that I wasn’t. When we prayed during morning devotion, I realized I had read about prayer, but I hadn’t actually done it. Sigh.

If we were perfect at everything, we wouldn’t need a Savior. I need him. I need God to keep showing me that I was designed for a day of rest. I need him to remind me that he and I are in a relationship and relationships need quality time. I need to trust in Him that the Sabbath takes priority over the to-dos and accept that some things won’t get done. I cringe even as I type that last sentence… I need him to teach me to trust.

So, I’m 0 for 1 on the Sabbath thing so far. Brian said he was actually really proud of me– he’d never seen me take and hour to sit in silence and read on a Sunday! And God wants us to come to him as children– and children aren’t very good at things on the first try– so at least I nailed that part 😉

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One thought on “Failure to rest

  1. Pingback: A night off | Our First Year

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