She’s home

Lindsey got home from her four days away just a few hours ago. I was so glad to have her home, I’ve really missed her over the last few days.

I won’t lie, I did have some fun indulging my bachelor side while she was gone. I ate a bunch of stuff I love but we don’t typically eat together. I played Xbox in the living room (very rare), and I stayed up late and slept in.

But I really missed her. When she came home she was tired from the drive and we got into a small argument about stuff that really doesn’t matter. We moved on pretty quick and we’re able to enjoy each other’s company for the few hours since. We’re about to head out to catch a late movie at Alamo Drafthouse. It’s a good way to kick off a long Thanksgiving holiday.

But in my head, I keep coming back to our fight when she got home. I don’t know why exactly we we’re both on edge and so quick to jump on comments from each other and start up an argument. I’d have to think about it, but oddly I think it comes from having been apart.

We were very happy to see each other, that was very evident. But I think being apart for so long threw us each off kilter. We’re so used to being around each other that four days apart was not good, and as a result there was frustration, fatigue, or something else that laid the foundation for us to each be touchy.

But, it was a small thing. We’re well over it (and actually joking about it five minutes ago) and looking forward to the weekend. It’s nice to know that you can argue and it’s not the end of the world. It’s actually comforting.

Priorities

We had a good little argument tonight. I use the word ‘good’ deliberately because it brought some things to light for me.

First, the selfishness of the human heart is incredibly ingrained, and in my case hardened by ten years of living alone. I am so used to reacting out of my own interests that it’s second nature. Then, when it becomes obvious that I am being selfish I jump to defend myself, usually harshly. I know we all handle it differently, but I’m not unique, this is a universal pattern.

Second, I have not fully (you might argue not even partially) adjusted to having a wife with priorities that I should place above my own. This is still selfish, but in a marriage I think this is particularly egregious. If we are called to serve our spouse, or as a husband to love my wife as Jesus loves his church, then putting my priorities above hers is an awfully bad place to start.

Yet that is exactly what I have done with a couple of important things lately. So, after our discussion in which I realized what I had been doing I confessed these things to Lindsey and she forgave me. This is the most important part of an argument, the confession and forgiveness. Without confession and forgiveness hearts get hard and bitterness sets , but with them, we can learn, accept and grow. Of course, that is exactly what any marriage needs.