Wondering how

It’s Monday, I had the day off, and I’m overwhelmed.

I don’t know if it was all of the traveling over the weekend, all of the stuff I have this week, or the stuff I know has to happen for next weekend, but I’m not feeling so good. I’m staring at a week with an activity every evening, homework to be done for WDP, a pile of grading, a week without complete lesson plans, a completely booked upcoming Saturday… and my anxiety is rising.

And it’s time to go to bed. Ugh.

I’ve been working on something for the past two weeks that went really well– balance. I had work time, but then I had rest time. I had focus time, but then I had free time. I cleaned the house, but also managed to stay sane. I slept every night for way more hours that I used to. I saw my husband. It was grand. The plan was to keep all that up. But now I’m looking at this crazy week and wondering how?

Regardless of the to-dos, I’m drawing a line right now and going to bed. Not sure right now if it is the most “wise” action, but I think it may be the most necessary. I have to draw some lines. And I need to remember that previously when I did draw these lines, things still somehow got done and nothing fell apart.

Still a bit anxious, but I’m going to pray that God will take that away and bless this decision to rest. Goodnight ūüôā

First day back at work

One of the best benefits of working for Dell for the eleven that I have is the generous vacation time. With that and the holiday break they give us, today was my first day back at work in almost 3 weeks. It was great to be off, but it was also a good to be back at work.

I’ve been blessed in my career so far, and right now I am in one of the best roles I will ever had. I get to use my knowledge of the tech world and trends and my years of experience at Dell to help a group of very smart people figure out the right path forward for our IT team. Then I get to use my writing and communications skills to articulate and sell it. In many ways this is the perfect job for me.

Going back to work today prompted me to pause and reflect on our life together. Lindsey and I are very, very blessed and fortunate. I don’t use the word lucky because I don’t think that’s what it is. We have a God that loves us and has given us good lives and each other. For that, I am thankful.

Series of events

It feels like life is just a series of events right now. It feels that way at work, at home, in Women’s Development, and even personally. Here’s what I mean…

At work it was report cards, then parent teacher conferences, followed by our big service day, then Grandparents’ Day. Things were supposed to calm down post-Grandparents’ Day, but now it’s Progress Reports, ASCI Conference, and Task V.

At home, it’s a weekly cycle: conquer the laundry, then the ironing, hit up the kitchen, straighten up, pick one room to do a major clean, then start over.

In Women’s Development right now, it’s the study guide, then the written exam, the retreat, the oral exam, and the Scripture memory exam.

Personally, it’s journal, birthday, weekend with Gran and Mom, Thanksgiving, Vegas.

But I’ve been around long enough (and seen enough movies) to know that life is what happens amidst all of the “events”. Life is what happens in the in-between. What do I do in the in-between? I work towards, schedule, prepare for, talk about, and agonize over the “events”. Not much of a life when you think of it that way.

So, tonight, though we studied in preparation for class and tests and I graded in preparation for Progress Reports, I cooked dinner, Brian and I had a meal together at the kitchen table, we played a word game, and then cuddled on the couch.¬†It was not scheduled, as it was not an “event,” but it¬†was wonderful.

I’m a do-er. It’s who I am. But it causes me to focus on the events and the doing of them. My husband is not an event. Neither is my marriage. And I can’t elevate these events, no matter how important, beneficial, or worthy, above this gift with which God has blessed me.

 

Tonight

I’ll give you dear readers the most accurate picture of what our last several weeks have looked like: Lindsey is exhausted and asleep and I have a couple hours of work still ahead of me.

That’s it, that’s life right now. Still, we’re loved and cared for by God, family and friends, and we know it. On days like this we are learning that is enough.

Overdue thanks

Abby, Laura, Kari, Kerrie, Jill, Rachel, Jennifer, Sarah and Michelle,

Thank you for taking care of my wife. Tuesday night group meetings are always an important time for us but there is something special about the time she spends with you. When Lindsey comes home from her Tuesday nights with the girls to tell me about how you care for her, cry and laugh with her, are honest with her and most of all pray with her I could not be happier.

It is a humbling thing for a man to care so much for his wife, but also know that he cannot provide everything; and that is where you all step in.¬†You girls take care of Lindsey in the ways that I cannot. You understand her emotional side and speak to her in a way that I am not able to. You see things from her¬†perspective¬†that I don’t.

I am very thankful for the ways that you serve Lindsey. You are all so supportive of her, of our marriage, and of me. It’s a wonderful thing to have folks like you in our lives daily.

With gratitude,
Brian