Empty

I’m running on empty today. I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes trying to decide what to write about, and ultimately I decided anything else would be a lie.

I’m exhausted, I’ve been up since 5am, and Lindsey is in the same shape. Well, maybe better because she is asleep right now. I had a full, but not fully productive day at work. I was so tired after work I could not stay awake. The nap didn’t help either.

It’s not just physical exhaustion. There has been so much going on, and so many things that we’ve been doing that I just feel wiped out. And it’s only Tuesday.

The good news is that we are not snapping at each other or picking little meaningless fights like we sometimes do when we are so tired. We’re not perfect, but I think we are learning to lean on each other well. It seems like that is a very important lesson for us to learn.

So I leave it here, so I can crawl off to bed.

Oh, and honestly, prayers for strength and perseverance are appreciated. We can use them.

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A lot of failure

Last night I posted about priorities, and how so far in our marriage I have not really taken Lindsey’s priorities up as my own. This has caused tension, and a few arguments. My post and our discussion yesterday had me thinking all day today, and I kept coming back to one thing: I am called to love and serve Lindsey. That is my primary duty as a husband, and honestly it is something I want to do well. Yet, I fail. Consistently.

This failure is no surprise to… well, anyone. People are not perfect; we are all broken and have our failings and blind spots. The biggest implication of our brokenness in a marriage can be seen in a simple math problem:

1 person who fails + 1 person who fails = a lot of failure

As I have posted before, getting married does not solve your problems. It doubles them. This may seem too simple of an explanation, but my guess is that any married person, anyone with siblings, or really anyone who doesn’t live alone in the wilderness knows this to be true. This is the profound, and yet faulty, ground upon which all human relationships are built.

Because this is the case, we only have two options: we can play the game of balancing wrong against wrong and apology against apology, or we can extend grace to one another and tear down the scoreboard. In our house we strive for the latter, but I confess that I often revert back to scorekeeping. I’m like the soccer dad whose kid plays in a no-score league and yet can’t help but to keep track of the goals on his iPhone from the sidelines.

So today my prayers and actions have been towards two goals. I have sought to look to the example of the one who washed his followers feet and sacrificed all for them, and serve my wife first. Second, I have confessed that I cannot change myself on my own, I need God to change my heart. That’s the only way to fix anything within me.

“Will it work?” you ask. I dont know for sure, but I have faith that it will.

Through similar prayers God has changed my heart unbelievably over the last six years, so this faith of mine is not blind. The only way for me to know is to keep pressing on, to keep seeking change through God, and keep serving my wife.

Honestly, it sounds like a really good plan.

The answer-to-prayer day

Last Thursday was a big day: job interview, hematologist appointment, job interview.

I wanted to post about it. I really did. But decisions needed to be made and certain people made aware of those decisions before it would have been appropriate to tell the entire interweb.

Here’s the short version: I got both jobs and great news from the hematologist. It was an answer-to-prayer day of the utmost. I’m still healthy, and the plan my doctor put me on before seems to be the right track. His diagnosis is most likely correct. I have to be monitored still, but not as frequently. And he told us we need to talk to him before we plan to get pregnant (sorry that wasn’t the big news, Mom ;-)). It was a super-quick visit and Brian and I were in and out in record time.

And now for the job news… I’ve been applying for teaching jobs closer to home all summer. And though public school would have been fine, what I really felt called to do was to move to a private Christian school. Up until last week, I’d had one interview that didn’t really go so well. And then Tuesday, I got a call. Then Wednesday, I got another. That’s how the two-interview-in-one-day thing happened.

I’ll give you the details on the coolest interview ever tomorrow– it’s a story in and unto itself. But, I will say here that I took a job with a small private classical Christian school here in Cedar Park. God is magnificent and has provided for me in ways big, small, known, unknown, and everything in between. I’m elated.

And I had to hit the ground running. Summer ended a week early and I’m way behind everyone else. There’s so much to do– and it’s all overwhelming and exciting and overwhelmingly exciting.

Serving our church body

The Austin Stone has a service once a month called First Tuesday, and it is one of my favorite things our church does. We meet, suitability enough, on the first Tuesday of every month for worship, group prayer and communion. It is a time where the presence of God is obvious, and the church focuses on Christ and His glory, not our own. It feeds my soul in a way nothing else does, and tonight we were able to serve the church in this month’s service.

Tonight Lindsey and I served communion1 with our missional community to The Austin Stone church body. It was a humbling experience and more affecting than I thought it would be.

Before the service we had a time of prayer with our community group and the stewards who coordinate this each month. Sharing prayers of confession, praise, humility and seeking God’s blessing was just as special to us.

Lindsey and I have performed communion at home for ourselves and for each other in our wedding ceremony, but never for other people. It was a moving experience, to stand next to my wife and hold the cup of juice2 symbolizing Christ’s blood for our church family. It was very emotional to see people come by one by one, take a piece of bread from Lindsey and dip it in the cup as I said to them, “This is Christ’s blood, shed for you.” It was truly humbling to be used by God to administer one of his ordinances of the faith.

It was a night full of blessings.


  1. In our Christian tradition any believer in good standing with their church can administer communion. We do not require a pastor or minister to administer the ordinances of communion or baptism. 
  2. We’re Baptists in the Bible belt, we have some traditions that don’t make sense. Actual wine is rarely used in Baptist churches in the South, but Lindsey and I use wine at home.