Procrastination, and its effects

I just finished a book critique for my Men’s Development Program at church. It is due tomorrow, along with another I have yet to complete.

I am a procrastinator. Always have been, and without supernatural intervention, will probably always be. It does not really bother me.

Or, perhaps I should say it didn’t really bother me.

I am learning in many, and some painful, ways that being married means that the consequences of my decisions truly do not affect only me. I know, this is a lesson I should have learned years ago. But I didn’t.

In this case my procrastination has hurt Lindsey by way of omission. Because I have to dedicate most of last night, all of tonight, and a good bit of time tomorrow to finishing up this assignment I have less time for her. That is a bad thing generally, but with her prospects for this week it is a particularly bad time for it.

So, for me this evening is further conviction that I am failing her as a husband in this particular way. My procrastination is selfishness, and it needs to go.

My Lesson to Learn

I had a conversation today with a good friend at work who I don’t see nearly enough. He asked me about how the marriage was going, and we talked about it for a bit. It was good to catch up with him.

Walking away from the conversation I kept thinking about one thing that I had said, a new truth that I have discovered. We were talking about what I have learned so far. I told him, “When we disagree on something if I stop and put myself in her shoes then the conversation goes well and we both leave it in a good place. If I just react from my own point of view, well, it tends to go badly.”

This is true, and I can see it so clearly in the last few weeks. Now, the trick of course is to actually do that all the time. I have not quite mastered that.

Our selfish desires are so hard-wired into our consciousness that we can never defeat that initial burst of selfishness totally. It’s sinful to be selfish in this way, and I need God to change my behavior in this area as He has done in so many other ways (and I’m still praying for Him to do in even more).

Jesus had compassion on the people He ministered to on earth as well as His people today. My mission in this marriage is to love Lindsey as Christ loves us. If I cannot fully learn this lesson and if He does not change my heart I can never love Lindsey in the way I want to. So, tonight, that is my prayer.