I was a bachelor for 10 years before I met Lindsey. That fact still amazes me, I never thought it would be that long. By the time Lindsey came along I had pretty much given up on the idea of being married, I had also became very, very set in my ways.
Because of this, I set my home up exactly as I wanted. There was no one around to suggest any alternatives. Expensive modernist bedroom furniture? Why not? Guest room in orange and black, filled with OSU memorabilia? Check! Really ugly TV stand in the middle of the living room? Who cares what a TV stand looks like?
So obviously adjusting to Lindsey being around, to her having a say in things, and even changing my precious setup, was tough. I would say things like, “You can do anything you want, except for…” and then list off 25 different things I didn’t want her to change. Yeah, I was an awesomely welcoming husband.
I’ve come to realize how antithetical this approach is for a new marriage. Sure, it makes sense that some things won’t be changed. There are good reasons to make certain decisions, but let’s not kid ourselves, I know I’ve made a lot of bad choices (and not just in decoration) that I have been holding onto.
I’m still not giving up the fight on some things (come on, how awesomely rare is an OSU bedroom like we’ve got! I’ll have to post pictures…), but I need to surrender some of my comfort, my likes, and my fear of change for the good of our marriage. I keep coming back to the words said on our wedding day, “two become one flesh”. If I can’t let go of my small preferences, how can I give up more?
Becoming one certainly does not entail Lindsey just becoming like me, it is about our new identity in our marriage. That is a shocking message to some. I know that many these days see this as a dangerous thought. But that’s okay. It may be old-fashioned, but we like it that way.