I looked at Lindsey and followed up with a serious question, “I don’t understand, why would someone have an opinion they don’t think is right? What sense does that make?”
“Honey, that’s not the point. Sometimes you just speak with such certainty about what you believe. Some people are not comfortable with that. It’s not that they don’t think their opinions are right too, it’s just that you speak in a way that gives the impression that you know you’re right.”
“But I mean it, how could I have an opinion I don’t believe in? If you don’t believe its right, its not really your opinion, is it?”
“I love you, but everyone can’t be so certain.”
That is a part of a conversation last night1, and it is a perfect illustration of how my wife helps me grow. I had a conversation with someone earlier in the day that unnerved me a bit, and she was helping me understand it. It’s small display of one of the many ways that Lindsey supports me.
Having a sounding board who knows me so well is unbelievably helpful. Lindsey is excellent at helping me sort out the truth from the other stuff because she knows me so well. I can take something to her, like this, and she can help me see the truth, and often point me towards things I need to fix. She prays with me and holds me accountable. She really is a wonderful partner who helps me grow, and I hope I do the same for her as well.
The premise of this blog was to let people into our marriage, in a way. We wanted to share this first year with friends and family flung far and wide. We also hoped that others would find insight, encouragement or just entertainment with our stories and posts. We’ve certainly had some funny stories and good responses from folks, but in reality we failed in delivering on the premise.
But, in this case failure is not bad. We failed because we did not understand marriage, or at least the nature of the relationship. We were never going to let people into our marriage at all, because I don’t think that can be done for healthy marriage.
We have found out there is little about a marriage that people really see. I hate to use the iceberg metaphor, but it’s late and I don’t have anything else. A good marriage really is like an iceberg I think. The base, the mass that keeps the whole thing afloat is unseen by most. It is the good times, it’s the arguments, it’s intimacy, service sacrifice. That goes unnoticed or happens out of sight 95% of the time. Sure you see the effects of those things (the lame and cliche metaphorical iceberg does float after all), but the real work happens out of sight.
Writing a blog doesn’t open that up to you, dear reader. It can’t, and that is okay. This fact does not relieve us of our duty to be an example to others, to demonstrate God’s love though our marriage, but it does mean we can’t show how it works (or doesn’t) all the time. Marriage must be experienced to be understood.
So, yes we failed because we took up an impossible mission, but we have succeeded beyond what we hoped. We have great readers, our friends and family have stayed in touch and know what’s going on in our lives, and we communicate openly and frequently with each other about what is going on. This blog has been an unbelievable aid to our marriage, and we thank you for being a part of it.
Seriously, thank you.