Loud, ugly, and stupid

Last night, I posted from our date night. I entitled the post “Sweet sweet evening”. And it was, for most of the evening. Then, we got home.

I’m pretty sure the neighbors heard us yelling. It was loud. It was ugly. It was stupid.

We were tired, and an argument broke out. But in the midst of trying to be heard, our motivations both changed, mutating into something neither of us desire for our relationship. So, we yelled. We were mean. We wanted to be right. We forgot our love, our vows, and our God, and both selfishly went down a road that leads to nothing.

There were apologies before bed. There were more this morning. And then, on the way to church, I asked, “Do I need to edit last night’s post?” We both groaned.

Our family reads the blog. Coworkers read it. Our friends read it. Strangers read it. We set out to be honest here– delivering an honest daily account of year one. But no one wants to read that a date night ended in an epic fight. I hate to write it. But that’s what happened.

I wish the clear headed version of myself from today could step into last night and slap the angry, selfish person I was then. I vowed to Brian that I would put his needs ahead of my own. I vowed to love him selflessly. But I didn’t remember any of that last night. All I knew was that I was hurt and I wanted my hurt to be known.

The biggest enemy to my marriage is in me– my own selfishness and pride. If I seek my own desires and put myself first, I will destroy this marriage.

I told my beloved this morning, as I held him in my arms, that I never wanted to yell at him again. I told him that I love him and I’m sorry for everything.

He forgave. I forgave.

We had a great day today. We even told our friends about the fight at church. We told another group at lunch. We both admitted fault and would squeeze the other’s hand as we spoke.

We promised to be honest, so here it is: Marriage is difficult. Sometimes, even on date night.

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Sweet sweet evening

It’s date night. We’ve been to Houndstooth for coffee and to Uchiko for for best freaking food anywhere, and I’m blogging from a booth at Flying Saucer where we’re finishing off some pints. I figured I should blog now before things get blurry 😉

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Brian at Flying Saucer

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Me at Houndstooth

After a long couple of weeks, this is a sweet, sweet evening with my husband. Gotta go– he’s back from the restroom 😉

It blew up

So, I’m sitting there on Sunday at church, just zoning out. It wasn’t that there was anything wrong with the sermon on the Gospel & Work, it’s just that, well– I didn’t really feel like I needed to hear it.

I work at this unique little Christian school with loving women who are called to teach. It’s so different than public school. Every woman I work with is doing what we do because they have the gift of teaching and they truly love God and children. And then there are my students– oh, my students! What a precious group of personalities! They make it a pleasure to go work every day. They are so dear to me.

So… I wasn’t really listening. I have a sweet situation at work. The sermon wasn’t really for me.

And then on Monday, work blew up.

It was misunderstanding after misunderstanding. The parents I’m supposed to be “partnering with” to educate their children were coming at me. Every time I tried to reach out to one of them, I got my hand slapped. It was nuts! And then we had a meeting where I realized my sweet situation would not look anything like this next year. It blew up.

Now– nothing catastrophic occurred, so I should clarify. I’m not leaving my school or anything– my job will just look different than it does now. And most situations with parents ended up working out in the end (after some drama). But my serene scene was definitely disrupted and this was a stressful, hectic, exhausting week of work.

Know what I’m doing tomorrow? I’m listening to that sermon again. Only this time, I’m going to actually listen.

PS– I just have to say this– it’s 8:24pm on a Friday evening and Brian is already asleep. And snoring. That’s the week we’ve had. Long hours for both of us. But he listened to the sermon the first time. I dare say he was more prepared than I for the week we just had. I’m not far behind him. At least for tonight, there is rest for the weary 🙂

Looking towards the weekend…

We had a good week. Lindsey had a busy week again, but there were some victories that made it worth it. I had a major deliverable due, as a draft, and I am quite happy with where it is at. A bit of work over the next few days and I’ll be in great shape. So, with that behind us we are looking forward to a good weekend.

It started off today after work with a birthday happy hour with some folks from church, and then a great dinner at an old favorite, Hyde Park Grill. It was really good to spend time with friends and relax. Tomorrow we have the farmer’s market in the morning, Lindsey will get some sisterly-bonding in while I work, and then a six months married celebratory dinner at Uchiko. It will be a sorely needed day of things we love, well, except for my work.

Sunday will be church, and some good alone time. We need this kind of weekend, we really do.

Gangstaville

Yup. You read that right. Gangstaville. That’s what the car became for about 45 of the most hilarious minutes of my life tonight.

We’re driving to Oklahoma right now. Brian has a fraternity alumni meeting thing tomorrow, so we’re making the trek.

We were having this intense doctrine discussion when we stopped at a QuikTrip (QT for you veterans out there). We did our customary drink purchasing and got back in the car… but something had changed while we were gone. This was no longer a scholarly, intellectual den of theology. No no. It was Gangstaville.

I believe it stemmed from me busting one of my crazy awesome dance moves in the passenger seat, but somehow we ended up on the Coolio Pandora station. We squealed with delight with every song change due to a mutual love for 80’s and 90’s hip hop. Okay– I was the one squealing, but Brian was doing whatever the manly equivalent of that is.

Here’s the thing about me: I love to dance. I love it. I don’t have moves or groove or mojo or even rhythm– I just like to shake it. One of my favorite places to show off these moves is the car. It’s great! Think about it– all of your awesome moves are limited to half of your body, thus doubling the awesomeness of what is happening with your upper body. Car dancing– try it. Anyways, that’s what I was doing. Brian was driving, we were both singing, and I was doubly awesome car dancing my face off.

Here’s the other thing about me: I know some lyrics. And sometimes it shocks people when they find out which songs I know the lyrics to. I’ll never forget the time I was driving to the Renaissance Festival with some friends and Gangsta’s Paradise came on. The jaws of my sweet Dripping Springs friends dropped when I flawlessly delivered every word. Didn’t they remember I grew up in Dallas?

Brian’s jaw didn’t drop tonight. I think he knows at this point that I am full of surprises. So, he got to see the car dancing, rapping version of his very white wife tonight, and I dare say he was a fan 😉

Another normal Saturday

Lindsey’s brother Daniel picking up washers after a round

There is really nothing special to report about today. If you were looking for excitement and fireworks, I hate to be such a disappointment but it is true.

This morning we got up and helped out good friend Laura move, long with our friends Abby and Kerrie. It was a good quick move as Laura has drastically downsized her life recently. We really admire how she is focusing on her priorities and changing her life to match them. It is really encouraging to see.

After getting her stuff into her new place we all had lunch and then Lindsey and I went home. I took a nap and Lindsey did a yeoman’s job around the house. I didn’t know that she was going to do that, but it was a very nice surprise.

This evening we went out to her parents ranch and had dinner with the whole family and her grandparents from Houston. It was a really nice time of hanging out and catching up. We dragged out the washers (for the uninitiated it’s a throwing game like horseshoes) after the sun went down and had a really fun time.

We just got home a little while ago and Lindsey is out like a light. I’m going to catch up on the Olympic happenings from the day and probably stay up too late.

See? Another normal Saturday.

That couple

We’re that couple.

We’re that sickeningly sweet, crazy about each other, can’t keep our hands off each other newlywed couple… and I love it.

Brian and I are still just so grateful for each other and it’s so apparent in all that we do and to everyone we encounter. We’re in awe after church when there’s someone to dissect the sermon with. We’re delighted to do laundry and prep food and straighten up to prepare for the week ahead.  We’re elated to dance at a friend’s wedding in the arms of the one to whom we made the vow of forever.

We had a beautiful weekend, as simplistic and ordinary as it was. Marriage is as difficult as it is life-giving, and we had a sweet weekend of loving on each other and being so appreciative for this struggle. We needed it.

As Brian and I work on loving and serving and submitting and sacrificing, we need these breaks– the precious moments– to remember why we made this covenant and re-energize for the struggles that are sure to arrive in the days to come. This weekend we got to love and whisper and giggle and swoon. And it’s all a part of this beautiful mess we’ve committed to work at the rest of our days.